5/16/19 - A New Chapter
Once again, I feel as though I have neglected my blogging duties for this site. Life got in the way.
The last time I wrote, I was beginning a new year with a new attitude. Specifically, I had a new focus on professional wrestling. For more on this, you can go back and read that post here. At the end of February, I was faced with a major change in life situation. It was of the deeply personal kind, so I will not get into the details of it here. What is important to note is that I was faced with having to close a chapter of my life I didn’t even know was coming to an end. I tried to distract myself with professional wrestling but had lost all interest in it. In fact, I had lost the drive to do anything. I felt as though I had hit rock bottom.
There was a silver lining, however. By hitting this rock bottom, I was able to see my life, and the world, differently.
It started with me fully acknowledging that professional wrestling simply was not the path for me anymore. It was a hard pill to swallow because I had based my entire life’s hopes and dreams since the age of 12 on being a sports entertainment superstar. While I definitely loved pro wrestling, a lot of the reasoning behind wanting to push so hard and become successful was because of how it would make me feel about myself. In other words, I latched onto the idea that if I became a superstar through wrestling (with all the fans, production value, cool promos and pictures, highlight videos, and all the special moments that come with it), people would finally really see and hear me. I would finally exist as someone of importance in the eyes of other people. This obviously is not a healthy intention for any activity or occupation. So I decided to take a few weeks off from training. At the end of two months, I took inventory of my feelings and saw that I did not miss it. Sure, I missed some of the people and fun aspects of pro wrestling. But I really didn’t miss it nearly enough as I knew I should for it to be the focus of so much of my emotional, mental, and physical energy. So, on May 3rd, I released an announcement on social media officially stating that I was on an indefinite hiatus.
The response I got was much warmer than I had anticipated with many people actually congratulating me! I’m at peace with this decision. It is not a “no” forever, you never know if I might get the itch again in the future. But, for now, this feels like the right move. The worst part is that I had just gotten new custom made music, completely repaired my boots, and had a photo shoot done to show off my physical progress and updated hair style.
Oh well, it is all for the best!
While on the topic of pictures, I also did a fun outdoor shoot in Central Park. I had no real objective to doing this, or project in mind, but it felt like it would be a good time. It certainly was and while it took much longer than promised to get the finished photos, I really do like how they came out. Maybe Andros will make the career transition to modelling! LOL
Definitely the biggest positive from the difficult emotional times was really the beginning of my spiritual journey. I know how that may sound as images of hippies and middle aged white women visiting India may be conjured in your mind, but I seriously feel as though I have made enormous progress over the last few weeks and months. I’ve been able to see how so many of my driving thoughts and feelings have been generated by conditioning and the insecurities I’ve picked up over the 26 years of my life. What I just discussed regarding pro wrestling is a great example. More broadly, the things I thought I wanted and needed, not only out of life, but even from the people around me, came out of a place of pain, loneliness, and feeling worthless.
No person, accomplishment, or thing can ever really fill voids like this. So I started on a journey, an odyssey, of wellness. This has included meditation, reiki, mindfulness, and consumption of content from thought leaders such as Eckhart Tolle, Adyashanti, Oprah Winfrey, and many more. I am not 100%, and don’t think I (or anyone else) ever can be as life is just a long process of learning and growing. However, I can say that I feel healthier spiritually, emotionally, and mentally now than I did a few months ago.
This journey and acceptance of my new life situation have occupied most of my time lately. But I have been able to generate a few pieces of content. I’ve updated The Motley Experience, this site, and my YouTube page to reflect this new direction. I’ve also written a few lifestyle pieces which you can read here. I have a few more articles planned that I’d like to write for The Motley Experience that revolve around mindfulness. I’m also thinking about experimenting with podcasting. Video production is still my personal favorite medium, but it is very difficult to get the quality I envision to be a reality as I am working alone. Audio production, from the research I’ve done, seems more viable. We shall see!
What I do want to stress is that I still feel that communication, content creation, and storytelling are still areas I want to devote my attention to. As I stated in my updated Bio, I believe it it of utmost importance for each and every one of us to open ourselves up to the stories, experiences, and truths of humanity across the entire world. Whether this comes in the form of fictionalized tales or in-depth looks into the realities of people, places, and creatures, we owe it to ourselves and those around us to learning and experiencing as much as possible. I truly believe it could make the world a more understanding and overall better place for everyone and everything that calls it home.
In other news, i just got back from an amazing 4 day trip to Iceland. I went alone and spent every day visiting a different location. I snorkeled in the Silfra fissure, bathed in a hot spring in the mountains, saw awe inspiring waterfalls, and even hiked on a glacier. I fell in love with the country and its natural wonders and beauty. Will definitely be going back and might write up an article covering my trip in the meantime!
I am done, for the foreseeable future, with professional wrestling.
I did an indoor photo shoot for pro wrestling and professional/acting headshots.
I did an outdoor photo shoot to have some fun content to use in the future.
I am spending time and resources on self care and wellness (and am seeing great results).
I am writing content for The Motley Experience.
I had an amazing trip to Iceland and would like to travel more.
I want to dabble with podcasting.
I want to continue communicating stories with whoever is open to listening!
Until next time, be well and stay connected!
Follow me on Instagram & Twitter: @ATMarousas